The Undertaking

Only about 150 years ago, most American funerals were a family undertaking. People generally died at home, and rites were carried out by family and community.

Now, for reasons ranging from the spiritual to the environmental, more people are again caring for their own—holding services at home and even preparing their loved ones’ bodies for vigils and burial.

Linda Bergh of Minneapolis took care of her husband during his death and three-day vigil, and says caring for the body helps the bereaved accept the reality of the death.

“It changes the grief process,” Bergh says. “I was able to say goodbye over and over by honoring and taking care of that body.”

Bergh is a consultant to the dying and their families and offers classes on “consciously living while dying” and on after-death care, plus links to other resources at lindabergh.org.

Some cultures represented in Minnesota have death and burial rites that require family participation. As Nancy Manahan and Becky Bohan note in their book Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully, Buddhist Hmong and Laotians believe that the smoke of cremation carries the soul to heaven, and family members and monks must be on hand to witness it.

Manahan escorted her sister-in-law Diane Manahan’s body to a crematorium in southern Minnesota. At Diane Manahan’s request, her family cared for her after her death from breast cancer, including washing her body and holding a wake at home. Nancy Manahan writes that “Washing Diane’s body with my brother, family members, and her closest friends not only comforted me but, I believe, helped surround Diane with love and support as she transitioned into the next realm.”

The nature of burials is also changing, with lands being set aside for “green burials”—no embalming chemicals, nonbiodegradable coffins, or concrete vaults—at conservation cemeteries, nature preserves where headstones are flush to the ground or are represented by boulders or trees.

There are five conservation cemeteries in the United States, but none yet in the Upper Midwest. The Trust for Natural Legacies Conservation Cemeteries (naturallegacies.org) in Madison, Wisconsin, is working to support the creation of a conservation cemetery in that state.

Dave Drapac, president of the trust, says that having a conservation cemetery in the Midwest makes sense. “There’s a strong connection to the land in the Midwest, with so many coming from farmer stock,” he says. “Half of our members live in small towns and rural communities.” The trust also offers classes that explore grassroots ways of looking at death, dying, and burial, including one May 16–18 on coffin building.

People who are committed to protecting the environment can find meaning in contributing to the conservation of land and in the idea that our bodies should return to the earth. Just as home births have become acceptable, home deaths, home funerals, and green burials are reclaiming their places as natural life-cycle events that foster community, ease grief, and offer a last chance to help loved ones as they cross the final threshold.

—Lucy Vilankulu