Name That Brand

Ten Worst Brand Names of 2008

G1
Google made their first foray into products this year with a mobile phone that has a shot at outdoing the Apple iPhone’s cool factor. Too bad they hobbled it with such a weak brand name. “G1” is generic, forgettable and easily confused with 3G, the mobile network technology. What’s worse, the name is reminiscent of some of Apple’s legacy products, the PowerPC G3, G2 and, ahem, G1. As one of the world’s leading innovators, Google has the brainpower and budget to create killer brands. G1 has earned the top spot on our worst list because, when it came to branding this important new product, Google just phoned it in.

HD-DVD
Toshiba branded their high definition video disc technology by simply tacking “HD” onto their trademarked “DVD” name. Makes perfect sense to an engineer. But to a typically inattentive consumer, “HD-DVD” so resembles “DVD” that it doesn’t instantly communicate how radically advanced this new product is. Confusing matters even further is its similarity to “HDTV” (high definition television)—a related, but wholly different technology.  

Tiguan
Who’s coming up with Volkswagen’s car names? Their crash test dummies? In recent years, VW has produced a parade of bizarre and largely meaningless brand names, including “Touareg,” “Routan” and now “Tiguan.” Formed by combining “tiger” and “iguana,” this construction of slammed-together syllables is known in the naming world as a “Frankenstein” or “train wreck.” Like many names of its ilk, “Tiguan” requires explanation. Why not just name it “Tiger?” Not a spectacular name, but the connotations are sexier. Why would anyone want to drive a car that’s even part ugly, scaly, slow-moving lizard?

Panamera
Porsche unveiled their first sedan this year—a landmark event comparable to the introduction a few years ago of their first SUV, the Cayenne. The name "Cayenne" is packed with associations suggesting excitement and exhilaration. “Panamera,” on the other hand, is empty and lifeless. Because it's not a real word, the name has no immediate meaning and lacks the kind of connotations that made “Cayenne” a powerful name. It also feels weak and unfinished, in part because it sounds like “Panamerican” without the satisfying ending. This is not the sort of name any car should be saddled with—especially a four-door sedan that Porsche purists believe should never have been made.