When ace builder Ed Noonan said my next assignment was an easy one, I should have known better. But the guy has an honest face and, according to his wife, a sterling reputation, so I believed him when he said my wife and I had done such a great job picking out kitchen appliances that our remaining task—picking out toilets, tubs, and sinks—would be a piece of cake. With that, he gave us the names of three plumbing distributors, one for American Standard, one for Kohler, and one for Toto, and wished us godspeed.
We’re going to move soon from the wonderful home we’ve lived in for many decades to a new condominium. As part of that process, I was acutely aware that I might have to participate in a decision or two. So it was with an open mind and reasonable cheer that I set out with my wife to view the wide world of toilets, tubs, and sinks.
I phoned the American Standard distributor and was told it would be perfectly fine to show up without an appointment, which is what we did. A very nice and knowledgeable salesperson showed us around, answered our questions, gave us brochures to take away, and could not have been more helpful. We made notes and left.
A few days later, my wife phoned me at the office at 9:00 a.m. and said her schedule had changed and that she would be able to get to the next stop on our list, the Kohler distributor, that day. So I phoned there, just to make sure they were open, and was told by the receptionist that all of their salespeople were fully booked for the entire day. When I asked if we could just come in and look around, she said we could, but that no one would be available to answer any questions, so we didn’t go.
A few evenings later, we figured out we could visit the Kohler place the following day, so first thing the next morning, I phoned again. I was told all the salespeople were fully booked for the day, so no one would be able to help us. Foiled again.
A week later, I phoned for the third time, at 8:05 a.m., and—surprise—was told all the salespeople were booked for the entire day. I wanted to say, “Lady, I’m not asking to examine Mr. Kohler’s personal tax records. I just want to look at a lousy toilet and bathtub.” But I didn’t.
I called the Toto distributor. “Come in any time,” the receptionist there said, and “you don’t need an appointment.” I called my wife and she said, “Let’s go,” which is what we did and where we bought the toilets and sinks that afternoon. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a tub that was right for us, and when I mentioned that to a friend the next day, he said he had a Kohler tub he thought we’d like.
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I gave in. I located the tub on the Kohler Web site, phoned the Kohler distributor, and said, “I just want to know if you have this model tub on display so I can sit in it to make sure the back is at a comfortable angle.” She said she’d ring the sales department.
Five-and-a-half minutes later, still on hold, I hung up and redialed. When the receptionist answered, I told her she had left me on hold for five minutes and she said that meant all the salespeople were with clients. I asked to speak to the manager, and she said he was with a client too, and she couldn’t disturb him.
I then asked if there was anyone who wasn’t with a client and, wonder of wonders, she connected me with someone who, in 15 seconds, checked his computer and said they didn’t carry this model tub in the showroom. When I asked him how I could go about sitting in the tub to see if it was comfortable, he suggested I might try another distributor to see if they carried it. I did, and they did, and without an appointment, we went to see it and bought it.
To whoever owns the first Kohler distributor, which shall remain nameless: Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who can get by forever inconveniencing and disrespecting customers, but I wouldn’t count on it. As my father used to say, “That’s not a real good way to run a business.”
